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if i'm not living with youmy eyelashes are tied into knots and my lips are stapled together. i’m laying in the middle of the floor and i’m realizing that my hips are disintegrating from lack of use. my knees are knocking together and melting, my shoulder blades are flying towards one another but never touching. and my throat is simply rusting over from all the sea air i’ve been gulping trying to keep my lungs from suicide jumping.

{i cannot live without you, my body can’t stand the abuse of neglect}

my eyes are turning to salt and dissolving down my cheeks, burning the cracks in my chapped lips, leaving white traces along my jaw. my hair is snarl
gamble on me.hey boy,

i think you should know that you’re twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.

i think you should know you’re making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.

and i know you’re so much more than you’ll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle w
it's not what you think.this is just a bruise, don’t you understand? i drank too many diet cokes too quickly, i stood up when i should have been lying down, i stared at the sun for too long. i ran too long with my lungs begging to collapse, i fell down the stairs and swallowed my kidney. i just tripped. it was just a mistake. it’s not what you think it is.

and this, this is just heart burn, don’t worry yourself over it. i swallowed too many peppers without a glass of milk to coat my throat, i let the knife slip when i was cutting up the apple. i bit my tongue when i was running to catch the bus, i stayed under the bathwater too long until i was blue-
sinning tongues still confess.[one] i just hope that you know that you are beautiful.
i hope when you’re looking into the mirror and are
bemoaning pale cheeks and angled eyes that you know
these are the things that make you the most breathtaking.
and when the ones you trust turn their backs, realize that
they are the ones lacking: not you. i hope you know that
you are intelligent and compassionate and all together
lovely. you are every single thing that every single person
should aspire to be.

[two] i wish you knew how i would fold at the knees like
faded denim if you weren’t there to hold me up. i wish
i had the words to tell you that you’re
this one's for you.because you are keeping my legs from folding.

because when i am tired, i am leaning on you, when i am sad, i am crawling into your comfort. because you are hooking my lips and pulling them into a smile, building a fire in the belly of my soul and warming me from the inside out.

because when i am lost, you are pointing in the right direction, when i am shaking, you’re holding my hand and whispering it will be alright.

and because when i’m incoherent you’re closing your eyes and saying my rambling sounds a little like a creek. because when i’m jumping from thought to thought without leaving a trail, you’re laughing a
paper bridges_cdear jamie,


i’m looking out my window and watching the world come down in icy slivers and it’s making me think of that time when we ran down the road with nothing on but our swimsuits and laughter. we used to share everything. our clothes, our make-up, our books, our stories, our weaknesses, our time. now we just share memories and folded paper. but don’t worry, four years and we’ll be back on the same street and these letters will bridge the gap that distance tried to carve. we’re stronger than that. 



oh, i almost forgot to tell you! this morning i saw a guy that looked just like that ac
let's run away.let’s get out of town. let’s steal the neighbors truck and drive it into the ocean. let’s melt along desert highways and freeze on mountain ranges. let’s fill our lungs with saltwater and wring out our hearts in sundried wind.

trust me, my bags are already packed. i need to sit in the passenger seat with my feet hanging out the window. i need to hold your hand and let the distance fade our problems like a school-yard-eraser. because in that truck cab, there can’t be anything but us. there won’t be room for our insecurities or mistakes or flaws or regrets. there will just be us.

and that’ll be enough. we
this might be foolish.forty-nine hours ago: we were pressing fingers together through frosted windowpanes, laughing at our reflections and sticking out tongues through frost-bitten teeth. we were gently whispering through the snow to kiss the glass, the intimacy of our own breath steaming down our throats never able to take the place of what we imagine it’d be like to breathe each other’s carbon dioxide.

thirty-five hours ago: we were running down fields clutching dandelions between our fingers, throwing our heads back to expose our neck to the whipping wind and trusting it not cut the slender expanse of it. we were tumbling down the grassy knolls and l
i know i'm reckless.i know it’s not easy loving a tumbleweed of a woman.
[but you’re still hot on my trail when the rebel stars shine.]
i know your fingers sting from snagging them on wild-rose-thorns.
[but you’re still holding my hand and ignoring the trickling blood.]
i know it bruises when you get tangled in barbed-wire-smiles.
[but you’re still kissing my lips and calling me beautiful.]
i know you get tired chasing my vagabond-heart.
[but you aren’t trying to hobble my nomad-feet.]
i know you blame yourself when i crackle and explode.
[but you aren’t letting me see you cry when you piece me back together.]
and i know
when i say it isn't personal.and if it’s cold in the middle of the night, you can trust me to burn the building down.

if the walls are too tall and the secrets too thick. if you can’t breathe past the black souls twisted around ash-lungs then follow me. trust me to start a riot. because we are more than they can handle, because we are smoldering indecently, we are young and heroic and flawed and angry. because we are bleeding hands tearing down doors, we are throwing fists against impassive chests.

we are feeling too much while they aren’t feeling enough.
and you better believe me: we’re going to revolt.

and if they try to stop us, we will hurdle
can't wait forever.because, boy, you know i’m looking for you, but i’m not sure i’ll ever find you.

i’m spending my days watching the different eyes that go by but they all have the wrong angle or the wrong shape or they’re a little too gray instead of the blue that i know you’ll have. there are too many creases where they’ve frowned too many times and are a touch too red from too much alcohol when i know you’ll have at least some idea of moderation. they’re all wrong because they’re not yours.

and i’m spending my nights listening to the different laughs riding the airwaves but they’re all the wrong
i'm sorry.i am sorry if i am not what you expected.

i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i can’t stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.

i can’t help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through
look, she's crying over him.five years ago--
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we weren’t noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.

and all the parents said: ‘look, how sweet, she’s his first dance.’

two years ago--
we were all che
i'm breathing without lungs.don't apologize. i can't breathe. i collapsed on the stairs at a quarter to two and i haven't found my feet yet. please help me up. please push me down. i think i'm letting my lungs collapse. i think i just spit up saltwater. is the carpet staining? i need you to grab my hand. i need you to hold my lungs together. i need you. i need you.

is it night yet? i can't see the stars. i can't feel the wind. my skin is numb and my eyes are on fire and i'm sitting in the middle of a room without windows and i can't breathe. why aren't you listening? can't you hear me? i'm choking on regrets. i'm choking on my spine. i'm coughing up alcohol from last n
and when i live.i am sleeping in the middle of wheat fields.

i am curled into the soil with the sun filtering through my eyelids and the warmth of the earth pressed against my hip. i am holding my stomach with gentle hands, lips parted to breathe in the sweet air. i am dreaming of feathers running down my spine and of blowing bubbles while running down sloping hills. i am dreaming of kisses at dawn and hands cradling my cheek and laughing over coffee with my best friend.

and when i wake, i am tranquil and serene and peaceful.
and when i wake, i am alive.

+

i am swimming in the belly of the ocean.

i am twisting in the clever hands of her currents, my h
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second-chance renewal.i can't guarantee i'll be what you want.

you see, i can only offer you the remaining fractures of a weathered, storm-bruised heart in trembling palms; can only pour the relics into the crevices of your chest. i can only offer you the ruins: tangled and mismatched and soggy from salt-rain. can only give you the junk drawer, the elbows and broken bits no one wanted: the jealousy and anxiety and selfishness and impatience and insecurity. i can only give you these, wrapped in newspaper-covered cardboard boxes, no satin ribbon dressing them up as something they're not.

oh, and you deserve so much more! what i have left rotting isn't enough and i
selfish desires.this isn't right, but it's true; this isn't fair, but it's honest.

i'll tell you "i love you" when suns are exploding in our fingertips and the last of the nectar is dripping down the wells of our throats. i'll whisper it under the covers when our breath is mingling and our skin is a tapestry we've been painting all night long.

i'll find a hundred different ways to let you know. whether it be scrawled on fogged-glass shower walls or sung across hushed, golden car cabins or whispered reverently into your curls late at night. i'll warm you from the inside out, until fires are burning in your intercostal muscles and galaxies are caught in the
bandage-tape kisses_cI'm worn and tattered on the edges and breathing knives into the ozone layer. I'm the echo of something that once was a shadow of beautiful and am now the scream of something destructive. I'm poison dripping through your veins and gas pumping straight into your lungs. So, please, listen to me: run. Run while you can. Run before I chomp the pavement to pieces and it's too late for you to get out of town alive. Run before I catch you. Run before I demolish you too. Run.

You have to know that no matter what happens, no hellfire or Armageddon, could keep me from holding you up, from crushing your demons, and smoothing your edges. Every moment of
death by apathy.of all the weapons
in your arsenal, silence
is your sharpest sword
collapse of the shoreline_c1. Winter
She'd be the perfect girl if her skin didn't break so easily, all pretty lips and splintered legs and peachstone eyes. She might reach out and touch you, but her fingers bend and twist like she's made of cold winters and auburn leaves freezing and rotting under brittle snow.


She bought the idea of old age from a peddler and then let it settle, let it crack its gnarled joints beside the hearth-side of her heart and settle comfortably into her intercostal muscles. But when she presses up against him, her early visitor pounds feeble protestations against her fragile ribs.


He mistook this for butterflies and excitement

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[x]

can't you hear me?

:iconcorina90:

xx.

you are beautiful even if you can’t see it. you are flesh pulled-tight over needles-and-thread ribs and eyes fogged over with your latest drug. you are a drunk tongue and a loose smile, butterfly fingers thrumming on your thigh because you’re too medicated for them to not be doing something. you are waterlogged from drowning in your insecurities for so long, moth-eaten from rotting in the back of the closet of your addictions.

but you are beautiful. because under the fog you are flickering like a single firefly. because you’re just trying to hide his acidic criticism under your translucent skin. and i know you can open chapped lips and sing a note as clear as rainwater. you are a lamp under a shade, you are a wildfire that’s been beaten too far back. but they haven’t beaten you out yet.

girl, can’t you hear me? you’re beautiful.

xx.

you are beautiful even if you don’t know it. you are cigarette-fingers trailing down ash-lips, bleached-out thoughts pooling in the black coffee on the table. you are an abrasive tongue and a cruel sneer, biting up the people around you because you can’t think of doing anything else. you are choking on the smoke in your lungs because you’ve been swallowing your own fire for so long.

but you are beautiful. because under that haze you are a bruised heart that’s just trying to heal. because your mouth is only so hard because she cut it up the night she left. and i know those blood-soaked fists of yours can uncurl and make a piano weep with the clarity of a swallow. you are a scar, you are a cracked mirror. but they haven’t shattered you yet.

boy, can’t you hear me? you’re beautiful.

xx.

you are beautiful even if you don’t believe it. you are an island in their rejection, you are hemorrhaged-eyes bleeding down abandoned cheeks. you are burrowing in the corner with trembling fingers turning the page with absolute precision. you are crawling between the lines of the book and building a bomb shelter, letting the rest of the world explode around you so long as your heart is safe behind the paper armor.

but you are beautiful. because beyond that sea of hopelessness, you are a gossamer-dreamer. because your heart is swollen and you are silently painting the world in pastels and loving its loveless form. and i know you can open your saltwater eyes and see that which cannot be loved and love it anyways. you are a violin with broken strings, you are a cracked oil painting. but they haven’t taken your art away from you yet.

girl, can’t you hear me? you’re beautiful.
:iconcorina90:
{"cause all of the stars have faded away
just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
take what you need and be on your way
and stop crying your heart out"
--oasis

because, because you're beautiful.
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:iconreneeyumbra:
~ReneeyUmbra Mar 7, 2011
This..really hit the heart
Reply
:iconflyjonas:
~FlyJonas Jul 8, 2010
Uh this is so pretty...the second stanza really hits me because i know someone like that, and i think its amazing this little piece of work can relate like that. Thank you sooo much! We all appreciate it.
Reply
:iconflyjonas:
Mood: Love ~FlyJonas Jul 8, 2010
oh yeh and im going to be keeping an eye on you...
Reply
:iconkuragari-kitsune:
~kuragari-kitsune Apr 29, 2010
oh, that was beautiful, well done :heart:
Reply
:iconcorina90:
=corina90 May 3, 2010
thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconkuragari-kitsune:
~kuragari-kitsune May 4, 2010
pleasure~
Reply
:iconrileysaurus:
!rileysaurus Feb 20, 2010
you just gave me chills, girl. and that's pretty hard to do.
Reply
:iconcorina90:
=corina90 Feb 26, 2010
i could say the same thing every time i read something you write.
Reply
:iconhk0798:
~HK0798 Dec 31, 2009
"...you are a cracked mirror. but they haven’t shattered you yet."
This hit me really hard. Wow. Thank you. I will be watching you if that's all right.
Reply
:iconcorina90:
=corina90 Jan 2, 2010
aww, thank you :heart::heart::heart:
Reply
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