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i'll be your shooting star. by =Corina90:iconCorina90:

Categories Literature > Prose > Fiction > Perspectives

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©2009 =Corina90
:iconcorina90:

Author's Comments

{"cause i can't help it if you look like an angel
can't help i if i wanna kiss you in the rain so
come feel this magic i've been feeling since i met you
can't help it if there's no one else"
--taylor swift

full title: i'll be your shooting star, if you'll be my poptart.

because the day i find a guy i love like poptarts, i'll be set for life.

Critiques


:iconmilkpoo:
*milkpoo Nov 19, 2009, 11:01:44 AM
Rarely would i critique a piece of literature, or even read it. For my schedule is quite tight, and first impact is always my priority, yet your piece changed that.
It hooked me the moment I read the title. It's fresh, simple, and thoughtful. I loved the flirting in the conversation and the funny, cute, romantic ending.
I would've like to understand their relationship a little further, make it a bit more obvious.
The flow of the piece is spotless, yet maybe you could add a bit of background context, like maybe they are beside the sea, watching stars.

Great Job! Keep it up.

ps. love taylor swift songs!
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.
2 Replies

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Comments


love 7 7 joy 2 2 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconchloroformboy:
*ChloroformBoy Aug 19, 2009, 2:18:37 PM
everybody hopes for that, but some people wait too long and their poptart gets eaten

--
i make them good girls go bad !
:iconhopesxhere:
~HopesxHere Aug 19, 2009, 2:18:59 PM
I found this beautiful.

Simple but yet enough. Know what I mean?
Nice work.
<3

--
~<3~
Ego sum pauper Nilhil habeo Cor meum dabo
~<3~
:iconlittlewhite-shadows:
~littlewhite-shadows Aug 19, 2009, 2:21:24 PM
i eat my poptarts cold. (;

great work. :heart:
:iconallinix:
~AlliNix Aug 19, 2009, 2:21:32 PM
this is awesome. i wish you luck finding that guy :heart:

--
"without imagination, there can be no dreams. without dreams, there can be no reality. therefore, the world is nothing without imagination."
:iconthe-chemical-factory:
~the-chemical-factory Aug 19, 2009, 2:22:12 PM
i enjoyed this :heart:

--

she just sits there clutching
the empty hem of her dreams
like a deranged woman
cherishing her treasure and
she thinks, "this isn't too bad."
:iconjack-skellington-3:
Mood: Love ~Jack-Skellington-3 Aug 19, 2009, 2:24:18 PM
I know I'm waiting for something like that right now! And I can only hope that in the end it WILL have been worth all the wait!!! :hug:
:iconshamansdream:
~ShamansDream Aug 19, 2009, 2:28:04 PM
I love it...amzing..
:icontwilighthinata:
*TwilightHinata Aug 19, 2009, 2:40:11 PM
Simply beautiful. I can't begin to even explain what this makes me feel.

--
All I can say is:
I'm glad I gave you something.
I tried to give you everything.
You never gave me anything.
I am okay leaving with nothing.
:blackrose:
:iconforeverrrchocolate:
~ForeverrrChocolate Aug 19, 2009, 2:45:21 PM
I really like the title. It's so nice.
I'm waiting too. Except instead of pop-tarts it's Dove chocolate for me.

--
Avatar made by *Veemonsito
:iconeyrieslove1:
=eyrieslove1 Aug 19, 2009, 2:51:48 PM
My ex boyfriend collects poptart boxes... :o

--
My Colorful Gallery of Fun


"Perfect Isn't Interesting."
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