[x]

you'll think of me.you're going to miss me.

when the night is silent and you can't hear anything but the beatbeatbeating of your heart against your ribcage, you're going to remember me. you're going to remember how my voice dropped to smoke when i was tired. the way i hesitated before diving, trembling even as i grabbed your hand and pulled us over the edge. the way i blushed and bit my lip, the way i tried to filter what i was going to say but always ended up saying it regardless.

and when the moon whitewashes your walls, you're going to think of me. you're going to think of the way i stood in the middle of the highway watching you leave. the way i looked in

we are a sunrise.we are no more than a softly whispered if.

we are smoke rings in the dark, soap bubbles on the lip of the water. we are bright eyes and shy fingers touching through the veil of introductions. we are racing side by side down separate book aisles, not calling out to one another but comforted in the echo of each others' pulse. we are strangers who aren't strange to one another at all, promises scrawled in folded pieces of paper, slipped under door cracks in the middle of the night.

possibilities are glowing iridescent between us, eyes overbright as we dance circles around one another. we're shoved into rooms filtered with sundust, lips praying

what if i forgot_cwhat if i lost you
amongst sea weed
and wheat fields
and what if field
mice whispered
your whereabouts
through my ear drums
and caressed my memory
with your words.

[what if i was to whisper sweet nothings
in your ear until you lost your feet and
floated instead? what if i grabbed your hand
and pulled it through my chest, let you push
aside my ribs and get lost in me?]

what if i taught you
how to love and how
to cry and how to
express your emotions
like cyanide sinking
through teeth, and filing
into your pink gums.

[what if i pulled you inside out and painted
the backside of your skin with coral and wind
and hear

gamble on me.hey boy,

i think you should know that you’re twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.

i think you should know you’re making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.

and i know you’re so much more than you’ll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle w

this one's for you.because you are keeping my legs from folding.

because when i am tired, i am leaning on you, when i am sad, i am crawling into your comfort. because you are hooking my lips and pulling them into a smile, building a fire in the belly of my soul and warming me from the inside out.

because when i am lost, you are pointing in the right direction, when i am shaking, you’re holding my hand and whispering it will be alright.

and because when i’m incoherent you’re closing your eyes and saying my rambling sounds a little like a creek. because when i’m jumping from thought to thought without leaving a trail, you’re laughing a

it's not enough.i will never regret running into the freeway.

if i am gasping for air, pressing my palms against my chest, holding myself together, you will never find me wishing i hadn't done it. if i am sticking my fingers in my sides to staunch the bleeding, limping down gravel roads, barefoot and wild-eyed, you will only see me grimace and smile. tell you it was a hell of a ride. tell you when that car collided with my kneecaps, i tasted heaven in the wind yanked from my lungs.

and you won't ever find me lamenting jumping into the fire.

if i am smoldering and smoking, licking charcoal-lips and spitting out ash, you will never once hear me whispering i

can't you hear me?xx.

you are beautiful even if you can’t see it. you are flesh pulled-tight over needles-and-thread ribs and eyes fogged over with your latest drug. you are a drunk tongue and a loose smile, butterfly fingers thrumming on your thigh because you’re too medicated for them to not be doing something. you are waterlogged from drowning in your insecurities for so long, moth-eaten from rotting in the back of the closet of your addictions.

but you are beautiful. because under the fog you are flickering like a single firefly. because you’re just trying to hide his acidic criticism under your translucent skin. and i know you can open ch

if i had the words.you should know, i've never struggled for words before.

i've spent my life welding and mixing them, chopping the corners up to make them be whatever i wanted them to be. but when it comes to you, i always manage to fall short, reduced to hallmark cards and hollow sayings that are trying to be something they will never be. cheap words puffing up their chests and trying to be something grand and sublime. attempting to wear a plastic crown and order the ocean into submission.

so this isn't easy, i'm not weaving words out of thin air.

instead, i'm wrenching them from between my teeth and exposing them to their inaugural sunlight. i'm cracking

catch me if you can.i can’t help myself.

i can’t help that i live with the wind wound around my teeth and my lungs on fire. i can’t help that i don’t know the meaning of fractions and instead give only in wholes, never brushing cold water with a toe but closing my eyes and diving into the deep end. if i knew how, i would practice restraint. if i thought i could, i would exercise caution on a daily basis so that i might protect myself from the dangers i invite freely into my heart.

but i was born without that skill. i am instead throwing my foot to the ground and letting the car fishtail around the turns, breathing in whiskey-laced speed bec

i can't see the sky.i hate the word lonely.

it dries out my mouth like i had tried to swallow tumbleweeds, it scratches the back of my throat like i'm trying to regurgitate memories from an empty stomach. it leaves me sitting in the middle of an empty room and wishing the ceiling would cave in because then at least i'd be able to watch the stars.

instead i'm just laying on top of the covers pretending to count them in the drywall and imagining what it would feel like to have your arm behind the curve in my neck. instead i'm closing my eyes and listening to the suction in my veins because i am hollow and caving in. i keep painting you with rich, lush adjectives

my little heart of mine.dear little heart of mine,

i need you to be brave for me. i know you're trembling on wires and clacking against bird-bone ribs, but i need you to set your teeth and stiffen that upper lip. i know it's scary and we aren't getting any medals for courage any time soon, but i think if we both hold hands and close our eyes, we can get through this.

i need you to know though that this is probably going to hurt.

i'm not saying we'll be bleeding and gasping on the floor. i'm not saying we're going to lock the front gates and shut off the lights and fasten the shutters, but i can't lie to you and say we will be living in eternal sunshine. we won't.

i'm choking.i am sitting with smoking nerves and
frayed circuit wires, everything i don't
know knotting together for me to choke
on.

if there is a door, i can't find it.
if there is an answer, i'm unaware.

instead i am falling to my knees and
crawling under the smoke, eyes watering
and knuckles bleeding. no closer to the end
than when i had begun.

if i had the courage, i'd crack open your ribs
and get the answer for myself. if i was brave,
i'd simply reach over and pinch the truth from
your tongue.

or i'd just tie my heart to the railroad tracks
and wait for you to save it. wait for you
to cradle it and whisper that the time for

look, she's crying over him.five years ago--
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we weren’t noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.

and all the parents said: ‘look, how sweet, she’s his first dance.’

two years ago--
we were all che

don't drag me into love.i keep choking on saltwater.

with every breath, i'm dragging the seaweed and lies deeper into my lungs. every insecurity is swelling and dancing before me, every flaw magnifying until i can't see around it. i'm crawling on hands and knees up the beach and coughing up my mistakes, but i can't stop myself from making another one. i'm sitting with trembling hands, a spinning head and i can't stop, i just can't seem to fucking stop.

i'd like to say i'm beautiful, i'd like to say i'm strong, but we know it's a lie. i'd like to say my mistakes make me endearing, my idiosyncrasies make me charming, but it couldn't be further from the truth. in rea

who said love was beautiful.this is not what you're expecting.

i'm not going to write about the first time we kissed or the first time you whispered something beautiful into my clavicle or the first time we held hands and i swore that the earth shifted under my shoes. i'm not going to write about the first hello or the first goodbye or the first moonrise i watched reflected in your irises.

i'm not going to write about how your eyelashes are spidersilk and your mouth is a song and how when i was weaving the colors of your eyes into a sunset i got lost in the middle. i'm not going to write about how your fingers pluck symphonies above steaming mugs of tea and how lookin

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letters to me.dear five-year-old-me,

i hope you know that life is a gift. i hope that when you walk out on the back patio and see the hills and the deer and the creek you know that life is marvelous. i wish for you to run through the mud and roll around with your dog and climb up trees with bleeding knees. i hope for nothing more than for you to swing until your legs are tired from pumping and your hair is snarled in knots around your face.

and listen to me: i know it isn’t always easy. i know that you can’t eat american cheese because you were born with high-cholesterol, i know you have to share your room and your sister broke your favorite do

i'll come home.dear holly,

the plane is rolling away and i can still see you waving. you are so beautiful, do you know that? your hair is fluttering at the temples and i can see you’re crying, but don’t worry, baby, i’ll be home soon. i know how this looks, the way the door shutting me off is so final, but it’ll open again and you’ll be running down the airport terminal and i’ll be there to catch you.

count the days until i come home, i’ll be counting them with you.

love,
me

+

dear charlie,

i’m home and the house is empty without you. it feels like the walls are exhaling in regret and it’s a bitter feeling

i'm sorry.i am sorry if i am not what you expected.

i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i can’t stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.

i can’t help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through

can't you hear me?xx.

you are beautiful even if you can’t see it. you are flesh pulled-tight over needles-and-thread ribs and eyes fogged over with your latest drug. you are a drunk tongue and a loose smile, butterfly fingers thrumming on your thigh because you’re too medicated for them to not be doing something. you are waterlogged from drowning in your insecurities for so long, moth-eaten from rotting in the back of the closet of your addictions.

but you are beautiful. because under the fog you are flickering like a single firefly. because you’re just trying to hide his acidic criticism under your translucent skin. and i know you can open ch

i wish i could.i wish i was a cliche
so my paper heart wouldn't
bleed anything but ink

look, she's crying over him.five years ago--
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we weren’t noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.

and all the parents said: ‘look, how sweet, she’s his first dance.’

two years ago--
we were all che

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[x]

i'm the girl.

by =corina90, Sep 30, 2009, 1:19:54 AM
Literature / Prose / Fiction / Philosophy & Perspectives

you want to know who i am?

i am the girl falling asleep headfirst on top of the covers to the clackclackclacking of the rain against the windowpane. i am dreaming in tarnished poetry and rotting hopes, birdbone-wrists locking together, fingers plucking the strings along guitar-ribs. i am loving myself even as i pull apart wishbone-veins, stringing myself out across the carpet to pick out the parts i like best.

and i am the girl wandering the aisles of the book store. i am curling in corners with hemmingway, touching the pages like a lover, smelling the ink because i’m the girl who thinks books smell like faith. i’m tucking myself between each syllable, climbing down the commas and resting on the vowels. i am sticking my post-it-note-wishes over the adjectives, waiting for the words to bleed through the page and stain the backside of my skin.

and i am the girl holding her elbows when watching the ocean. i am pulling the stitches closed and wincing against the saltwater on my scars. i am not afraid to look in my opal-reflection, but i’m not ready to face it just yet. because i am the girl building sand castles during high tide, the one running into the waves fully dressed. i am breathing in coral and starfish so that when i come apart, at least my insides will be beautiful.

and, oh, i am the girl throwing kerosene on the stars. i am the one setting the moon on fire. i am tearing apart the dictionary because none of the definitions work, ripping up words to create a collage of meanings that aren’t worth a thing. i am swallowing bullets and spitting out machine-gun-rounds, tearing off my skin because i swear it’s too tight. i am running with nothing but moonbeams, laughing with nothing but sarcasm, hating with nothing but empathy and losing with nothing but pride.

because:
i’m the girl that’s a messy dreamer.
i’m the girl that’s a mess.
i'm the girl that's--

i'm the girl.by =corina90

Literature / Prose / Fiction / Philosophy & Perspectives

©2009-2013 =corina90

_{{"i'm a saint and i'm a sinner
i'm a loser, i'm a winner
i'm am steady and unstable
i am young but i'm able"
--jessica andrews

go ahead and steal it.
it'll never be yours anyways.}

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

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~EliintheTARDIS Dec 20, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

This is gorgeous. I love the way you put words together almost like a melody. It has a nice sound to it.

Reply

~Twist-of-Fate1901 Jun 28, 2012

I want you to know that I love your writing and writing style you have a beautiful way of delivering words in a way that strikes a chord

Reply

~xXPyromaniacXx Mar 27, 2012 Student General Artist

That is so amazing. You have no idea. I don't even know why.
An awesome disconnected symphony of emotions and words.♥

Reply

=corina90 Mar 30, 2012

aw, thank you!

Reply

~stoonprincess Nov 5, 2011

wow thats amazing

Reply

*madis-hartte Sep 19, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

Nah nah nah nah nah. Sad and beautiful. A bit of Ophelia, but with words instead of insanity. (Maybe? I don't know.

Tired enough as it is.)

Reply

~Poelee Sep 17, 2011

kerosene on the stars...
intriguing and beautiful

Reply

~arabesque-o Aug 29, 2011 Student Photographer

_lovely.

Reply

~xvTopHatsxiii May 29, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

This is AMAZING. You are such a wonderful writer, I plan to stalk your gallery

If you aren't already, you really should pursue a career in this~!

Reply

Mood: Adoration

~BeeWings May 20, 2011

BEAUTIFUL! probably describes every artsy girl

Reply