[x]

if i'm not living with youmy eyelashes are tied into knots and my lips are stapled together. i’m laying in the middle of the floor and i’m realizing that my hips are disintegrating from lack of use. my knees are knocking together and melting, my shoulder blades are flying towards one another but never touching. and my throat is simply rusting over from all the sea air i’ve been gulping trying to keep my lungs from suicide jumping.

{i cannot live without you, my body can’t stand the abuse of neglect}

my eyes are turning to salt and dissolving down my cheeks, burning the cracks in my chapped lips, leaving white traces along my jaw. my hair is snarl

can't you hear me?xx.

you are beautiful even if you can’t see it. you are flesh pulled-tight over needles-and-thread ribs and eyes fogged over with your latest drug. you are a drunk tongue and a loose smile, butterfly fingers thrumming on your thigh because you’re too medicated for them to not be doing something. you are waterlogged from drowning in your insecurities for so long, moth-eaten from rotting in the back of the closet of your addictions.

but you are beautiful. because under the fog you are flickering like a single firefly. because you’re just trying to hide his acidic criticism under your translucent skin. and i know you can open ch

this one's for you.because you are keeping my legs from folding.

because when i am tired, i am leaning on you, when i am sad, i am crawling into your comfort. because you are hooking my lips and pulling them into a smile, building a fire in the belly of my soul and warming me from the inside out.

because when i am lost, you are pointing in the right direction, when i am shaking, you’re holding my hand and whispering it will be alright.

and because when i’m incoherent you’re closing your eyes and saying my rambling sounds a little like a creek. because when i’m jumping from thought to thought without leaving a trail, you’re laughing a

paper bridges_cdear jamie,  
i’m looking out my window and watching the world come down in icy slivers and it’s making me think of that time when we ran down the road with nothing on but our swimsuits and laughter. we used to share everything. our clothes, our make-up, our books, our stories, our weaknesses, our time. now we just share memories and folded paper. but don’t worry, four years and we’ll be back on the same street and these letters will bridge the gap that distance tried to carve. we’re stronger than that.   

oh, i almost forgot to tell you! this morning i saw a guy that looked just like that ac

can't wait forever.because, boy, you know i’m looking for you, but i’m not sure i’ll ever find you.

i’m spending my days watching the different eyes that go by but they all have the wrong angle or the wrong shape or they’re a little too gray instead of the blue that i know you’ll have. there are too many creases where they’ve frowned too many times and are a touch too red from too much alcohol when i know you’ll have at least some idea of moderation. they’re all wrong because they’re not yours.

and i’m spending my nights listening to the different laughs riding the airwaves but they’re all the wrong

if you keep getting under.i saw you today and said ‘hey’
but what i meant was:

‘holyhell, you’re beautiful. you look like sunshine trapped in mason jars and fireflies stuck in moonbeams. you have a smile that punches straight to the spinal cord, did you know that? i just spent the last five seconds rebooting my heart, training my lungs how to breathe again. exhale, inhale. it should be simple but you’ve snarled it all in a giant mess. i’m unwinding the ball of yarn into a straight jacket and you’re as unaffected as the sea. i’d say i’m a boat but i’m hardly as sturdy. i’m a feather. it’s almost funny how li

try to understand.“so, i guess that’s that.”

“i guess it is.”

“i want you to know that i’m going to think about you. every night.”

“i imagine i’ll think about you too.”

“i’ll probably cry in my pillow when our song comes on my shuffle and i’ll dig up that picture i buried in the back of my closet when i threw away the rest.”

“why will you keep it?”

“because we look happy and somewhere down the road i’ll be happier for having kept it. not at first, because at first it’s going to sting like hell. which is why i’ll bury it. but in the middle of the night

can't promise what you want.“i think we can make this work.”

“i think we can too.”

“but you have to promise me something.”

“within limits.”

“promise me you’ll never leave the hand soap empty. promise me that when you see the faucet accidently leaking on the counter, you’ll take a towel and mop it up instead of just shrugging and walking away. promise me you won’t leave your jeans rumpled in the hall because they ‘didn’t make it’ all the way into the room.”

“i can’t lie, i can’t promise that. but i will promise to never leave your hands empty. i will promise that when your

when i say it isn't personal.and if it’s cold in the middle of the night, you can trust me to burn the building down.

if the walls are too tall and the secrets too thick. if you can’t breathe past the black souls twisted around ash-lungs then follow me. trust me to start a riot. because we are more than they can handle, because we are smoldering indecently, we are young and heroic and flawed and angry. because we are bleeding hands tearing down doors, we are throwing fists against impassive chests.

we are feeling too much while they aren’t feeling enough.
and you better believe me: we’re going to revolt.

and if they try to stop us, we will hurdle

gamble on me.hey boy,

i think you should know that you’re twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.

i think you should know you’re making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.

and i know you’re so much more than you’ll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle w

pretty words, dead flowers_ci want a boy that makes me weak in the elbows.

i want him to drive a red camaro and put pens behind his ear because he’s scared he’ll think of something he needs to say when there’s no one around. i want him to never hesitate to hug me from behind or throw me over his shoulder and spin me until i swallow my spine. i want him to mess up my hair and pinch my cheek and then kiss me until my teeth are shaking and my nerves are smoking. i don’t know where he is yet, but i know i’ll find him.

-

well, i won't make you weak in the elbows, but i can make you weak in your ribcage; i can tame the struggling butterflies and te

let's run away.let’s get out of town. let’s steal the neighbors truck and drive it into the ocean. let’s melt along desert highways and freeze on mountain ranges. let’s fill our lungs with saltwater and wring out our hearts in sundried wind.

trust me, my bags are already packed. i need to sit in the passenger seat with my feet hanging out the window. i need to hold your hand and let the distance fade our problems like a school-yard-eraser. because in that truck cab, there can’t be anything but us. there won’t be room for our insecurities or mistakes or flaws or regrets. there will just be us.

and that’ll be enough. we

i'm breathing without lungs.don't apologize. i can't breathe. i collapsed on the stairs at a quarter to two and i haven't found my feet yet. please help me up. please push me down. i think i'm letting my lungs collapse. i think i just spit up saltwater. is the carpet staining? i need you to grab my hand. i need you to hold my lungs together. i need you. i need you.

is it night yet? i can't see the stars. i can't feel the wind. my skin is numb and my eyes are on fire and i'm sitting in the middle of a room without windows and i can't breathe. why aren't you listening? can't you hear me? i'm choking on regrets. i'm choking on my spine. i'm coughing up alcohol from last n

sinning tongues still confess.[one] i just hope that you know that you are beautiful.
i hope when you’re looking into the mirror and are
bemoaning pale cheeks and angled eyes that you know
these are the things that make you the most breathtaking.
and when the ones you trust turn their backs, realize that
they are the ones lacking: not you. i hope you know that
you are intelligent and compassionate and all together
lovely. you are every single thing that every single person
should aspire to be.

[two] i wish you knew how i would fold at the knees like
faded denim if you weren’t there to hold me up. i wish
i had the words to tell you that you’re

our core connects_cjared,

i don’t know why i’m writing this except for it’s midnight and you always liked this hour best. dylan is asleep in the other room and sometimes when he snores i swear it sounds like you. it burns my lungs to listen to it, because when i close my eyes, i can pretend you’re here and that in thirty seconds you’re going to groan and throw your arm over my waist and sleepily nuzzle my neck like you always did.

i can’t spend many nights awake because of it.

i can’t believe i’m telling you this. you are such a bastard, you know that? you’re the only person in the world who eats up my heart like

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good thing we're fools.“I think I might love you.”

“I think that’s a stupid thing to say, why would you say something like that?”

“Because when you look at me my toes curl and my stomach flutters.”

“Is that a quote from a book?”

“No. I don’t think so. I don’t know. It all gets a little mixed up sometimes.”

“So you love me like they love in books.”

“Question or statement?”

“Your choice.”

“Question, then. And, yes. I love you like Scarlett loves Rhett, like Elizabeth loves Mr. Darcy, like-”

“Stop, just stop. Don’t love me like that. What happens

we're a high-stakes gamble.you’ve taken my heart out of my chest and are rolling it like dice. i’m white-knuckled and brazen-smiled
when you look over and tell me that i’m a wild card, a risk only a fool would take.

[this is when you tell me that you’ll see my pride and raise me your independence]

.

and when i find my breath buried under your whiskey-and-coke, i take your lies and fan out the
deck, tell you to ante up because i’m sick and tired of waiting on you to make your decisions.

[this is when i tell you that i’ll see your selfishness and raise you my ego.]

.

we break hearts on the first hand. you drown my smoke-eyes in a v

confessions of lostwithoutyou.i'm not a liar. but i never told you that you always looked best in black. i liked how your skin would fade to a paler shade of perfection and your perfect teeth would glint a little brighter. and i could pretend for an evening that you were my black and white dream come true. and with you there would be no shades of inbetweens and no grays for us to get lost. i never told you but it's true.  

+

i was never able to tell you, but i hate the way you cook your 'specialty' eggs. you always laughed over your shoulder and told me that they are the best food i’ll ever eat, that i was blessed to get the chance to taste them melting

even if i told you.you are made of dreams and wishes, you are
the shimmershake of my nerves over my skin
and the curdling of my stomach. you are the
reason that i open my eyes: so i might countdown
to when my lips might find yours and you can
breathe life into me once more.

+

you are made of lies and gilded tongues, you are
the tightening of nerves over my spine and the
clenching of my teeth. you are the reason that i
close my ears: so i might never have to hear the
way you twist cheap words into sweet names and
expect me to answer, to roll over and play dead.

+

you are made of flimsy wings and gossamer, you
are the easy release of breath an

we're fighting for air.i imagine we are a wingless bird.

-

your heart is in your mouth, trapped behind the lies stacked between your teeth.
mine is caged in my hand, fluttering against the fear webbed between my fingers.

-

i said ‘i want you,’ you said ‘i need you,’ we said ‘i love you.’
isn’t it funny that after all the wantneedlove, neither one has the other?

-

we took flight today and fell after five seconds.
i counted the bruises and said each one was a reason to leave.
you counted the seconds and said each one was a reason to stay.

love fell upside downbreathe; just breathe.

he is just a boy made of cells and nerves wrapped around normal bone. he is standing there on two feet with two legs and pants hugging a waist made of flesh and blood. he is human. his nose is a little crooked and his teeth not perfectly straight. one could even say he is a flawed human.

look; look there.

his eyebrows arch out in odd angles, like bird wings taking flight off of his face. and that scar that runs down his jaw? certainly that, dear, certainly that makes him flawed.

look, his eyes are blue but not the blue of the ocean deep or the sky before the storm. they are just blue. no one could look in those eyes

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it's not what you think.

by =corina90, Sep 20, 2009, 8:45:17 PM
Literature / Prose / Fiction / Philosophy & Perspectives

this is just a bruise, don’t you understand? i drank too many diet cokes too quickly, i stood up when i should have been lying down, i stared at the sun for too long. i ran too long with my lungs begging to collapse, i fell down the stairs and swallowed my kidney. i just tripped. it was just a mistake. it’s not what you think it is.

and this, this is just heart burn, don’t worry yourself over it. i swallowed too many peppers without a glass of milk to coat my throat, i let the knife slip when i was cutting up the apple. i bit my tongue when i was running to catch the bus, i stayed under the bathwater too long until i was blue-faced and gasping for air. i just got dizzy. it’s okay, i promise.

and this is just a sore throat. it’s not contagious, okay? i walked barefoot in the snow, i belly flopped into the pool. i didn’t drink enough water in the summer. i walked into a glass door, i hit my elbow on the counter, i smacked my head when i was standing up. i just wasn’t watching where i was going. i learned my lesson.

you know what? don't tell me i’m in love.
i promise, i’m not.
i couldn’t be.

it's not what you think.by =corina90

Literature / Prose / Fiction / Philosophy & Perspectives

©2009-2013 =corina90

_{{"whoa, no chance, no way i won't say it, no, no
(give up, give in, check the grin: you're in love)
this scene won't play, i won't say i'm in love
(you're doin' flips, read our lips: you're in love)
you're way off base, i won't say it. get off my case, i won't say it
(girl, don't be proud, it's okay you're in love)"
--hercules soundtrack

you go ahead and laugh at the lyrics, i love that movie.
and that is one of the best songs of all time.}

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~Aravelle Aug 12, 2010

Lovely.

It is one of the best songs of all time. Kudos to you, m'dear.

Reply

~MekaMouse Jun 11, 2010 Student Writer

Best movie song quote.
Such a good movie.

Reply

~aalyj Apr 30, 2010

I LOVE that song! Good to see it being quoted. ^^

Reply

=corina90 May 3, 2010

me toooo!

Reply

Mood: Mesmerized

!YoursSincerely Mar 9, 2010

Great, as always.

Reply

=corina90 Mar 10, 2010

thank you!

Reply

~xmysecretcankillmex Dec 31, 2009 Student Writer

i know that entire song by heart, have known it for the longest time! and this... this was amazing, utter talent you're brilliant!

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=corina90 Jan 2, 2010

haha i love that song! and thank you :]

Reply

~xmysecretcankillmex Jan 15, 2010 Student Writer

no problem!

Reply

~peridot-magelette Dec 7, 2009

i don't know the song... but i quite like this piece of writing. funny but poignant as usual. the last bit almost reminded me of someone saying they couldn't possibly be pregnant, for some reason.

Reply