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if i'm not living with youmy eyelashes are tied into knots and my lips are stapled together. i’m laying in the middle of the floor and i’m realizing that my hips are disintegrating from lack of use. my knees are knocking together and melting, my shoulder blades are flying towards one another but never touching. and my throat is simply rusting over from all the sea air i’ve been gulping trying to keep my lungs from suicide jumping.

{i cannot live without you, my body can’t stand the abuse of neglect}

my eyes are turning to salt and dissolving down my cheeks, burning the cracks in my chapped lips, leaving white traces along my jaw. my hair is snarl
truth flavoured lies_cthe lie about me:
i am beautiful like freshly-cut grass and popsicles in the middle of the day. i am summer-lips and winter-teeth, laughing my way through autumn-leaves. i am branding laughter against the back of my throat so i can feel it with every breath i draw in, soaking in your words as i stick them under my tongue and save them for a while. i am living for the moment and dancing without caring who’s watching. i am loving recklessly and throwing my heart into the wind with wild abandon. i am calling each scar a beauty mark and opening my arms wide to catch the wind. you are calling me ‘love’ and i am answering.

the trut
i'll come home.dear holly,

the plane is rolling away and i can still see you waving. you are so beautiful, do you know that? your hair is fluttering at the temples and i can see you’re crying, but don’t worry, baby, i’ll be home soon. i know how this looks, the way the door shutting me off is so final, but it’ll open again and you’ll be running down the airport terminal and i’ll be there to catch you.

count the days until i come home, i’ll be counting them with you.

love,
me

+

dear charlie,

i’m home and the house is empty without you. it feels like the walls are exhaling in regret and it’s a bitter feeling
can't you hear me?xx.

you are beautiful even if you can’t see it. you are flesh pulled-tight over needles-and-thread ribs and eyes fogged over with your latest drug. you are a drunk tongue and a loose smile, butterfly fingers thrumming on your thigh because you’re too medicated for them to not be doing something. you are waterlogged from drowning in your insecurities for so long, moth-eaten from rotting in the back of the closet of your addictions.

but you are beautiful. because under the fog you are flickering like a single firefly. because you’re just trying to hide his acidic criticism under your translucent skin. and i know you can open ch
hearts are for rebuilding_ci.
when i remember you, i remember the way you laughed when i mixed up teaspoons and tablespoons.

i remember the way you refused to eat the cake because you said it was too salty and the way i stood crying over the sink when i shoved it down the disposal. i remember how you left me standing in the middle of the floured, sugared, baked-on-mess kitchen to finish the tivo-game, patting me on the back and saying ‘nice try.’

it was when i was wiping my tears with the back of my hand that i best remember holding my heart close, telling it ‘nice try.’ maybe next time we’d fall in love with someone who saw us when they loo
losing myself.it’s the morning and i’m lying on my bed.

i’m listening to the sun raining through my window, the birds chirping, the sound of me losing my feet and finding my dreamer’s bone.

my pillow smells like you, like lust, like finding something worth dreaming about.

in a few minutes i’ll get up, pour myself a cup of coffee, dance in socks around the kitchen, take this new feeling blossoming in my chest and hold it tight.

but for now, i’ll smile, kiss you awake, trace the angles of your chest. but for now, i’ll bask in you.

+

it’s the afternoon and i’m sitting at my desk.

i’m staring at a blank
pretty words, dead flowers_ci want a boy that makes me weak in the elbows.

i want him to drive a red camaro and put pens behind his ear because he’s scared he’ll think of something he needs to say when there’s no one around. i want him to never hesitate to hug me from behind or throw me over his shoulder and spin me until i swallow my spine. i want him to mess up my hair and pinch my cheek and then kiss me until my teeth are shaking and my nerves are smoking. i don’t know where he is yet, but i know i’ll find him.

-

well, i won't make you weak in the elbows, but i can make you weak in your ribcage; i can tame the struggling butterflies and te
then again, maybe.maybe i am the reason this bed is emptyemptyempty but for one.

maybe i am the explanation for the way the tires are peeling out or the way you’ve already changed your voicemail to ‘me’ instead of ‘we.’ maybe i am the excuse for the way our love has a white flag and is curled in the corner, calling mercymercymercy.

maybe i am the poison-tongue and killing-hands that you tell me i am, maybe you deserve someone who doesn’t unravel like yarn in the afternoon, click their tongue against their mouth and expect you to help gather the pieces and put them back together in the evening.

maybe i am toomuchtoomuchtoomuch f
paper bridges_cdear jamie,


i’m looking out my window and watching the world come down in icy slivers and it’s making me think of that time when we ran down the road with nothing on but our swimsuits and laughter. we used to share everything. our clothes, our make-up, our books, our stories, our weaknesses, our time. now we just share memories and folded paper. but don’t worry, four years and we’ll be back on the same street and these letters will bridge the gap that distance tried to carve. we’re stronger than that. 



oh, i almost forgot to tell you! this morning i saw a guy that looked just like that ac
can't promise what you want.“i think we can make this work.”

“i think we can too.”

“but you have to promise me something.”

“within limits.”

“promise me you’ll never leave the hand soap empty. promise me that when you see the faucet accidently leaking on the counter, you’ll take a towel and mop it up instead of just shrugging and walking away. promise me you won’t leave your jeans rumpled in the hall because they ‘didn’t make it’ all the way into the room.”

“i can’t lie, i can’t promise that. but i will promise to never leave your hands empty. i will promise that when your
try to understand.“so, i guess that’s that.”

“i guess it is.”

“i want you to know that i’m going to think about you. every night.”

“i imagine i’ll think about you too.”

“i’ll probably cry in my pillow when our song comes on my shuffle and i’ll dig up that picture i buried in the back of my closet when i threw away the rest.”

“why will you keep it?”

“because we look happy and somewhere down the road i’ll be happier for having kept it. not at first, because at first it’s going to sting like hell. which is why i’ll bury it. but in the middle of the night
if you keep getting under.i saw you today and said ‘hey’
but what i meant was:

‘holyhell, you’re beautiful. you look like sunshine trapped in mason jars and fireflies stuck in moonbeams. you have a smile that punches straight to the spinal cord, did you know that? i just spent the last five seconds rebooting my heart, training my lungs how to breathe again. exhale, inhale. it should be simple but you’ve snarled it all in a giant mess. i’m unwinding the ball of yarn into a straight jacket and you’re as unaffected as the sea. i’d say i’m a boat but i’m hardly as sturdy. i’m a feather. it’s almost funny how li
it's not what you think.this is just a bruise, don’t you understand? i drank too many diet cokes too quickly, i stood up when i should have been lying down, i stared at the sun for too long. i ran too long with my lungs begging to collapse, i fell down the stairs and swallowed my kidney. i just tripped. it was just a mistake. it’s not what you think it is.

and this, this is just heart burn, don’t worry yourself over it. i swallowed too many peppers without a glass of milk to coat my throat, i let the knife slip when i was cutting up the apple. i bit my tongue when i was running to catch the bus, i stayed under the bathwater too long until i was blue-
i know i'm reckless.i know it’s not easy loving a tumbleweed of a woman.
[but you’re still hot on my trail when the rebel stars shine.]
i know your fingers sting from snagging them on wild-rose-thorns.
[but you’re still holding my hand and ignoring the trickling blood.]
i know it bruises when you get tangled in barbed-wire-smiles.
[but you’re still kissing my lips and calling me beautiful.]
i know you get tired chasing my vagabond-heart.
[but you aren’t trying to hobble my nomad-feet.]
i know you blame yourself when i crackle and explode.
[but you aren’t letting me see you cry when you piece me back together.]
and i know
the truth never killedand that’s when
i looked you
in the eye
and told you
that i am
a dead end.

i am
the girl they hold
in the middle of
the night,
i am
the blindkisses
and desperatetouches.
i am
the oh-honey-you-taste-so-good, the
shh-be-quiet-i-didn’t-come-to-hear-you-talk.

i am
lost and falling,
i am
looking at the pieces
without seeing the whole
because the
whole picture scars.

and i am
living without skin,
living without skin
so even the air burns.
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beautiful and tragic, gorgeous and oh, my word, isn't she a genius? but they all boil down to one thing: you're gone. you aren't here. your absence is everywhere. i've erased the ends of my fingertips because they look lonely; i've shoved my hands in the garbage disposal because that's all i am. it's not pathetic
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my body is made up of saltwater and wishes, and a thousand star fish that try to mimic the constellations. and sometimes, that's all i ever want to do: imitate the sky so that you can find a home somewhere within me. you make me want to tug at the horizon and pull it closer to me, let in sink into my spine and curve along my ribs. and then i'd let you rest in the hollow spaces between my neck and my collar bones, becoming a part of my skin. but you also make me feel divided: i'm always here when you are gone, always longing for something i can never touch. and i feel empty hoping for something a million light-years away, half the

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let's run away.

:iconcorina90:

let’s get out of town. let’s steal the neighbors truck and drive it into the ocean. let’s melt along desert highways and freeze on mountain ranges. let’s fill our lungs with saltwater and wring out our hearts in sundried wind.

trust me, my bags are already packed. i need to sit in the passenger seat with my feet hanging out the window. i need to hold your hand and let the distance fade our problems like a school-yard-eraser. because in that truck cab, there can’t be anything but us. there won’t be room for our insecurities or mistakes or flaws or regrets. there will just be us.

and that’ll be enough. we’ll stop only to get gas and food when we have to. we won’t look at a map because there won’t be any way to write directions to ‘happiness,’ we’ll just have to find that on our own. and if it takes months, then at least we’ll be trying, at least we’ll be moving instead of rusting over, instead of turning black with oxidation.  

we won’t be free, but we’ll be close.

because we can’t find our problems chained in the same spot, we can’t sit here with roots growing deeper and deeper in rotting soil. we need to find ourselves, we need to pretend we’re a puzzle and the pieces are strewn across the country. maybe we’ll find one sitting at the top of the grand canyon contemplating the majesty of reds and golds and oranges. maybe we’ll find another in the middle of chicago, wind-tousled and crowd-smothered, but intimate in the cocoon of body heat.

maybe we’ll find each other across each state line, under every bridge, at the bottom of every creek.

i don’t know, but i know we have to try.  i know we have to get in that car and never look back. i know we have to turn the key or we never will. we can’t live like this, we can’t let ourselves morph into what we’re not. we can’t let this town cut off our legs, our courage, our beautiful wild nature.

we have to go.
we just have to.
:iconcorina90:
{"let's get out of this town tonight
nothing but dust in the shadows
gone by morning light
somewhere we won't ever get caught, ever be found
baby, let's just get out of this town"
--carrie underwood

full title: let's run away before we rot away.
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:iconxoellbellox:
Mood: Wow! ~xoEllBellox Jan 29, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow, love this :D I can feel the emotion puring out of it (Y)
Reply
:iconrevolutiondream:
~revolutionDREAM Dec 20, 2010
this has a great, great raw feeling to it; a true genuine feeling.
love it :)
Reply
:iconkandasmilkshake:
~KandasMilkshake Jul 10, 2010
This is enchanting. ^-^ I can't find words to explain how it makes me feel. :)
Reply
:iconmekamouse:
~MekaMouse Jun 11, 2010  Student Writer
beauuuutttiful love :heart:
Reply
:iconsaphire456213:
~saphire456213 Jun 7, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I wanna do this one day. Run, as far as I can, just to feel the freedom.
Reply
:iconmari-maris:
~mari-maris Dec 14, 2009  Student Photographer
we can’t sit here with roots growing deeper and deeper in rotting soil. we need to find ourselves, we need to pretend we’re a puzzle and the pieces are strewn across the country [...]
i don’t know, but i know we have to try. i know we have to get in that car and never look back. i know we have to turn the key or we never will. we can’t live like this, we can’t let ourselves morph into what we’re not. we can’t let this town cut off our legs, our courage, our beautiful wild nature.

we have to go.
we just have to.

that's exactly what I feel right now ^^.. it's funny to see someone else explaining it better that I could do myself ;)
Reply
:iconcorina90:
=corina90 Dec 14, 2009
:heart: thank you soso much, lovely
Reply
:iconblueskysummer:
~blueskysummer Oct 30, 2009
run like i would if i had the courage and someone to take me. run like my heart longs to do. just run. :heart:
faved!
Reply
:iconcorina90:
=corina90 Oct 31, 2009
i want to fav your comments D:
Reply
:iconblueskysummer:
~blueskysummer Nov 1, 2009
i want to put your work somewhere where i'll see it all the time so it will brighten my day even when i'm away from the computer :heart: you're an amazing writer.
Reply
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