[x]

gamble on me.hey boy,

i think you should know that you’re twisting my spine into knots and clogging up my arteries and the least you could do is give me a second of your time. i think you should give me a chance. you should know that you make my hands itch when you smile because i want to brush my thumb over your cheekbones. that my shoulders are trembling because i can imagine them resting against your chest, the idea of the warmth shotgunning straight to my nerves.

i think you should know you’re making a relatively sane girl misplace her mind.

and i know you’re so much more than you’ll ever imagine, that you are making me tangle w

when i say it isn't personal.and if it’s cold in the middle of the night, you can trust me to burn the building down.

if the walls are too tall and the secrets too thick. if you can’t breathe past the black souls twisted around ash-lungs then follow me. trust me to start a riot. because we are more than they can handle, because we are smoldering indecently, we are young and heroic and flawed and angry. because we are bleeding hands tearing down doors, we are throwing fists against impassive chests.

we are feeling too much while they aren’t feeling enough.
and you better believe me: we’re going to revolt.

and if they try to stop us, we will hurdle

if you keep getting under.i saw you today and said ‘hey’
but what i meant was:

‘holyhell, you’re beautiful. you look like sunshine trapped in mason jars and fireflies stuck in moonbeams. you have a smile that punches straight to the spinal cord, did you know that? i just spent the last five seconds rebooting my heart, training my lungs how to breathe again. exhale, inhale. it should be simple but you’ve snarled it all in a giant mess. i’m unwinding the ball of yarn into a straight jacket and you’re as unaffected as the sea. i’d say i’m a boat but i’m hardly as sturdy. i’m a feather. it’s almost funny how li

our core connects_cjared,

i don’t know why i’m writing this except for it’s midnight and you always liked this hour best. dylan is asleep in the other room and sometimes when he snores i swear it sounds like you. it burns my lungs to listen to it, because when i close my eyes, i can pretend you’re here and that in thirty seconds you’re going to groan and throw your arm over my waist and sleepily nuzzle my neck like you always did.

i can’t spend many nights awake because of it.

i can’t believe i’m telling you this. you are such a bastard, you know that? you’re the only person in the world who eats up my heart like

this might be foolish.forty-nine hours ago: we were pressing fingers together through frosted windowpanes, laughing at our reflections and sticking out tongues through frost-bitten teeth. we were gently whispering through the snow to kiss the glass, the intimacy of our own breath steaming down our throats never able to take the place of what we imagine it’d be like to breathe each other’s carbon dioxide.

thirty-five hours ago: we were running down fields clutching dandelions between our fingers, throwing our heads back to expose our neck to the whipping wind and trusting it not cut the slender expanse of it. we were tumbling down the grassy knolls and l

it's not what you think.this is just a bruise, don’t you understand? i drank too many diet cokes too quickly, i stood up when i should have been lying down, i stared at the sun for too long. i ran too long with my lungs begging to collapse, i fell down the stairs and swallowed my kidney. i just tripped. it was just a mistake. it’s not what you think it is.

and this, this is just heart burn, don’t worry yourself over it. i swallowed too many peppers without a glass of milk to coat my throat, i let the knife slip when i was cutting up the apple. i bit my tongue when i was running to catch the bus, i stayed under the bathwater too long until i was blue-

can't you hear me?xx.

you are beautiful even if you can’t see it. you are flesh pulled-tight over needles-and-thread ribs and eyes fogged over with your latest drug. you are a drunk tongue and a loose smile, butterfly fingers thrumming on your thigh because you’re too medicated for them to not be doing something. you are waterlogged from drowning in your insecurities for so long, moth-eaten from rotting in the back of the closet of your addictions.

but you are beautiful. because under the fog you are flickering like a single firefly. because you’re just trying to hide his acidic criticism under your translucent skin. and i know you can open ch

paper bridges_cdear jamie,  
i’m looking out my window and watching the world come down in icy slivers and it’s making me think of that time when we ran down the road with nothing on but our swimsuits and laughter. we used to share everything. our clothes, our make-up, our books, our stories, our weaknesses, our time. now we just share memories and folded paper. but don’t worry, four years and we’ll be back on the same street and these letters will bridge the gap that distance tried to carve. we’re stronger than that.   

oh, i almost forgot to tell you! this morning i saw a guy that looked just like that ac

if i'm not living with youmy eyelashes are tied into knots and my lips are stapled together. i’m laying in the middle of the floor and i’m realizing that my hips are disintegrating from lack of use. my knees are knocking together and melting, my shoulder blades are flying towards one another but never touching. and my throat is simply rusting over from all the sea air i’ve been gulping trying to keep my lungs from suicide jumping.

{i cannot live without you, my body can’t stand the abuse of neglect}

my eyes are turning to salt and dissolving down my cheeks, burning the cracks in my chapped lips, leaving white traces along my jaw. my hair is snarl

i'm the girl.you want to know who i am?

i am the girl falling asleep headfirst on top of the covers to the clackclackclacking of the rain against the windowpane. i am dreaming in tarnished poetry and rotting hopes, birdbone-wrists locking together, fingers plucking the strings along guitar-ribs. i am loving myself even as i pull apart wishbone-veins, stringing myself out across the carpet to pick out the parts i like best.

and i am the girl wandering the aisles of the book store. i am curling in corners with hemmingway, touching the pages like a lover, smelling the ink because i’m the girl who thinks books smell like faith. i’m tucking myself

my little heart of mine.dear little heart of mine,

i need you to be brave for me. i know you're trembling on wires and clacking against bird-bone ribs, but i need you to set your teeth and stiffen that upper lip. i know it's scary and we aren't getting any medals for courage any time soon, but i think if we both hold hands and close our eyes, we can get through this.

i need you to know though that this is probably going to hurt.

i'm not saying we'll be bleeding and gasping on the floor. i'm not saying we're going to lock the front gates and shut off the lights and fasten the shutters, but i can't lie to you and say we will be living in eternal sunshine. we won't.

i'm sorry.i am sorry if i am not what you expected.

i am sorry if i am not slender or cunning or sticking to the schedule or falling into the precision of appointments and the rules of poetry. i am sorry if i am wringing my fingers dry and running out of paper and bleeding ink through my eyelids. i am sorry if i am butchering words and stitching their bleeding pieces into something i can lie and call beautiful. i am sorry that i can’t stick to your grammar, your syntax, your expectations, your rules. i am sorry, i tried.

i can’t help that i am running barefoot through the grocery store because i forgot my shoes or that i am driving through

we are a sunrise.we are no more than a softly whispered if.

we are smoke rings in the dark, soap bubbles on the lip of the water. we are bright eyes and shy fingers touching through the veil of introductions. we are racing side by side down separate book aisles, not calling out to one another but comforted in the echo of each others' pulse. we are strangers who aren't strange to one another at all, promises scrawled in folded pieces of paper, slipped under door cracks in the middle of the night.

possibilities are glowing iridescent between us, eyes overbright as we dance circles around one another. we're shoved into rooms filtered with sundust, lips praying

hello, beautiful.these are the times i will always remember:

walking through crowded coffee shops to see you sitting in the corner, steaming cups on the table and bright eyes lighting up the room. hellos tripping over my tongue, shy glances and bitten lips, toes curling in my shoes. hearing your baritone voice for the first time, tying my lips into knots as i fumbled over the introductions.

sitting on my bed, shaking the walls with laughter, your arms holding me close into the curve of your body. driving with the windows down while holding hands, the wind painting butterflies on my neck.

not knowing a thing about you but wanting to pick up the candle and e

look, she's crying over him.five years ago--
we were all elbows and sheltered self-esteems. we weren’t noticing each other except for bumping knees and walking into each other when walking around corners. we were nameless faces in the middle of the dance floor and hesitant hands touching. i was teaching you how to move gawky feet and a stiff spine, you were hitched-laughter fogging over my ear. we were wide eyes and gangly legs and fast music. we were bubble-gum-breath and coca-cola-fingers, breaking apart like nervous colts at the end of the song.

and all the parents said: ‘look, how sweet, she’s his first dance.’

two years ago--
we were all che

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first-class funeral cheers.stick a post-it note on my head and stick me in a drawer as if you'll remember me in the morning. but you won't. not unless i cry, not unless i scream, not unless i throw my words against the walls until you hear the pulse, hear the beat of millions of phrases and definitions and images as wild as jungle throats and murdered lemons.

beautiful and tragic, gorgeous and oh, my word, isn't she a genius? but they all boil down to one thing: you're gone. you aren't here. your absence is everywhere. i've erased the ends of my fingertips because they look lonely; i've shoved my hands in the garbage disposal because that's all i am. it's not pathetic

moonlight in the sand_cdear moon,

my body is made up of saltwater and wishes, and a thousand star fish that try to mimic the constellations. and sometimes, that's all i ever want to do: imitate the sky so that you can find a home somewhere within me. you make me want to tug at the horizon and pull it closer to me, let in sink into my spine and curve along my ribs. and then i'd let you rest in the hollow spaces between my neck and my collar bones, becoming a part of my skin. but you also make me feel divided: i'm always here when you are gone, always longing for something i can never touch. and i feel empty hoping for something a million light-years away, half the

it doesn't come free.if you want it, you're going to have to catch it.

you're going to have to run until your feet are caked with silt and your mouth is burned with wind, until your heart is laboring behind rusted ribs. you're going to have to chase it through sand storms and ocean tantrums and to the edge of the world and over. you're going to have to strip out of your clothes and inhibitions and fear and pride because it's not slowing down. it's not going to idle in anticipation or pause or give you a fair shake. it's going to twist in currents and cut corners and laugh as it's free diving into still lakes.

if you want it, you're going to have to tempt it.

y

me finding you.this is nothing more than the silly fluttering of an equally silly heart.

this is my tongue tripping on the truth and my trembling fingers clawing at my arm trying to get rid of the heart bleeding on it. this is my teeth clacking together and my emotions knockknockknocking against my ribs so i might please let them out to play.

this is my words getting abandoned in the silences and the pauses swallowing the tension whole. this is using your moss green eyes as a northern star when i'm getting lost in possibilities, using your smile as the curve i rest in when the world's too much to bear.

this is fighting my own spine to stand up straight w

breaking hearts for dummies.spin me around and drain me dry, spit my promises from beneath your teeth and pick my scabs until you have me just where you want. press the bruises where they hurt most, hold me underwater until i'm purple-lipped and blue-tongued and scratching the base of my throat to bleed the oxygen from my veins.

cut my achilles' heel and watch as i stumble down the stairs, watch as i hit the second landing and crumple. tell me i look beautiful broken, tell me not to move a muscle, tell me you're going to take a photograph and i'm going to be f-f-famous for the pretty way i break apart.

tell me a picture's worth a thousand words, but

trick candle emotions_cthere are faces that don't exist
and love letters never written
down and we will shout until
tree tops crumble and branches
sway, until spines snap and
vertebrae break.

there are hearts dissolving
in the atmosphere, and ribcages
rusting down on main street,
and hearts were never meant
to breathe on their own, but
we never did learn how to love.

we are people in two separate
worlds with two different
definitions of the same words
and screaming is like killing
to me and laughing is like
drowning to you and we compute
on a daily occasion, through
error messages at least.

we're breaking the world between
our palms to wa

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this one's for you.

by =corina90, Sep 30, 2009, 10:06:46 PM
Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / General Non-Fiction

because you are keeping my legs from folding.

because when i am tired, i am leaning on you, when i am sad, i am crawling into your comfort. because you are hooking my lips and pulling them into a smile, building a fire in the belly of my soul and warming me from the inside out.

because when i am lost, you are pointing in the right direction, when i am shaking, you’re holding my hand and whispering it will be alright.

and because when i’m incoherent you’re closing your eyes and saying my rambling sounds a little like a creek. because when i’m jumping from thought to thought without leaving a trail, you’re laughing and calling it hopscotch, never missing a beat.

and, oh, because you’ve all carved your names in the back of my heart.
because you’ve all tattooed your words in the palms of my dreams.
because you are the pulse of my wishes, the tempo of my hopes.
because, because i love you all.

this one's for you.by =corina90

Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / General Non-Fiction

©2009-2013 =corina90

_{{"and high up above earth or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth
lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you "
--coldplay

notice the non-fiction? that's because this one's for you.
everyone who watches me.
anyone who has ever favorited.
anyone who has ever commented.

i know my replies of "aww, thank you!" don't say what i mean.
so consider this as how much i all appreciate all of you.
more than i could ever explain.}

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~saphire456213 Jun 7, 2010 Hobbyist Writer

If only I could find the right words to thank YOU for all your incredible words.

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*Cocooue Apr 17, 2010 Student Photographer

This piece has been featured here [link]

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=corina90 Apr 17, 2010

oh, thank you! :]

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~SerenityyX3 Feb 16, 2010

you're amazing, you know that?

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=corina90 Feb 18, 2010

i don't know that

but thank you, love

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Mood: Affection

~peridot-magelette Dec 6, 2009

thank YOU for your thank you, it's beautiful just as the rest of your work is. i think your work is so wonderful because it's emotional, and raw, and makes us feel like you're writing our lives. and you are humble and thankful and normal and answer comments :-D

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=corina90 Dec 6, 2009

people like you are exactly why i wrote this piece.

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~peridot-magelette Dec 7, 2009

awww, thanks! i find it so nice you actually thought to write this.

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~neon-ink Nov 8, 2009 Student Traditional Artist

This reminds me of someone. I like that. Thank you very very much for writing this.

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=corina90 Nov 8, 2009

aw, thank you! :]

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